G
Contents of G:
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
U.S. humorgreeting card writer
I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
U.S. humorgreeting card writer
Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.
(1903—1983)
U.S. radioTV broadcaster
I'm proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money.
(1884—1974)
U.S. film maker
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
(1884—1974)
U.S. movie producer
This book has too much plot and not enough story.
(1909—1998)
U.S. politician
Sex and politics are a lot alike. You don't have to be good at them to enjoy them.
(1909—1998)
U.S. politician
Sex and politics are a lot alike. You don't have to be good at them to enjoy them.
"Sometimes we do get taken by surprise. For example, when the Internet came along, we had it as a fifth or sixth priority." (1998)
"There are people who don't like capitalism, and there are people who don't like PCs, but there's no one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft."
I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possible program, of all time. (1987)
In response to Java: "Anybody who thinks a little 9,000-line program that's distributed free and can be cloned by anyone is going to affect anything we do at Microsoft has his head screwed on wrong."
OS/2 is destined to be a very important piece of software. During the next 10 years, millions of programmers and users will utilize this system. (1988)
(1918--)
U.S. evangelist
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
(1962-- )
U.S. comedian
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
(1914—1997)
U.S. U.S. writer
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
In England I would rather be a man, a horse, a dog or a woman, in that order. In American I would think the order would be reversed.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
(1890—1970), president of France.
How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheeses?
(1892—1981)
British novelist, to his mother when he was age 4
All right, I will learn to read, but when I have learned, I never, never shall.
(1932-- )
U.S. comedian
I wouldn't mind paying taxes--if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
It takes about a week of treatment to cure a cold, but without treatment it takes about seven days.
(1874—1945)
U.S. writer
You can't take it with you. You never see a U-Haul following a hearse.
(1924--)
U.S. actress
If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.
(1919--), actress
I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.
(1930--)
U.S. football player, Sports Illustrated (4 July 1960)
Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.
(October 1, 1962)
Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.
Treaties are like roses and young girls. They last while they last.
(1919—1991)
U.S. comedian
If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
U.S. comedian
Have you ever had the feeling life is a black tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?
(1904—1996),U.S. actress
I do wish I could tell you my age but it is impossible. It keeps changing all the time.
(1890—1977)
U.S. comedian
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
(1890—1977)
U.S. comedian
Just remember, my little cabbage, if there weren't any closets, there wouldn't be any hooks, and if there weren't any hooks, there wouldn't be any fish, which would suit me fine.
(1890—1977)
U.S. comedian
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
(1890—1977) in Monkey Business
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to state of extreme poverty.
(1935--)
U.S. comedian
Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness.
(1897—1987)
British actress
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
(1908--)
U.S. economist
It takes some skill to spoil a breakfast--even the English can't do it!
(1916—1987)
U.S. comedian
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
(1882—1944), French dramatist
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
(1749—1832), German author
Everything has been thought of before, but the difficulty is to think of it again.
(1749—1832), German author
Publishers are all cohorts of the devil; there must be a special hell for them somewhere.
When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs on growing hair, that's up to them.
(1908--)
U.S. economist
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
(1908--)
U.S. economist
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
(1908--)
U.S. economist
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
(1892—1976)
U.S. industrialist
The meek may inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights.
(1947—1994)
U.S. humorist
I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
(1947—1994)
U.S. humorist
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
(1947—1994)
U.S. humorist
Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
(1954--)
U.S. cartoonist
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
The Observer, London, 1935
The Irish people do not gladly suffer common sense.
"It is always wise to stop wishing for things long enough to enjoy the fragrance of those now flowering."
(1889—1944)
English barrister and author
Biography, like big game hunting, is one of the recognized forms of sport, and it is as unfair as only sport can be.
(1889—1944), "Supers and Supermen."
History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other.
I wouldn't mind dying--it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
(1895—1985)
U.S. author
There's no money in poetry but then there's no poetry in money, either.
(1896—1985)
U.S. actress
Never give up; and never, under any circumstances, no matter what--never face the facts.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
(--1997), corporate raider
The trouble with marrying your mistress is that you create a job vacancy.
(1940--)
U.S. mystery writer
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
(1878—1933)
U.S. bartender
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
(1912—1998)
U.S. talk show host
Good shot, bad luck and hell are the five basic words to be used in tennis, though these, of course, can be slightly amplified.
(1836—1911)
English dramatistpoet
You've no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.
(1918--),actress
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
(as quoted in the book "The Humour of Sex")
Personally, I know nothing about sex because I've always been married.
(ca. 1918--), actress
I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
(ca. 1918--), Hollywood actress
I believe in large families. Every woman should have at least three husbands.
Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5,000 Gideon Bibles.
You just cannot drive a Rolls-Royce in Beverly Hills anymore because they [have it in for you].