Contents of T:
(1835—1910), Following the Equator, 1897
In the first place, God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
(1835—1910), letter, 1876
A baby is an estimable blessing and bother.
(1835—1910), Life on the Mississippi
Give an Irishman lager for a month, and he's a dead man. An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
(1835—1910), Pudd'nhead Wilson
October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, December, August, and February.
(1835—1910), Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right.
(1835—1910), Sketches Old and New, 1875
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
Put all thine eggs in one basket and--watch that basket.
(Samuel Langhorne Clemens, American author)
Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved.
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
People born to be hanged are safe on water.