R

U.S. comedienne

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.

U.S. comedienne

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

U.S. comedienne

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

U.S. comedienne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

U.S. comedienne

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

U.S. comedienne

Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

U.S. Labor Secretary

There are only two kinds of people who predict the [stock] market on a day-to-day basis. Those who don't know and those who don't know they don't know.--Robert Reich [1946]

U.S. Labor Secretary

(1911-- )

U.S. president

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.